I bet he comes in French.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
