Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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