Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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