You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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