I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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