She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
