Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
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and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
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I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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