So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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