i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
