OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
