Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
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