Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
