sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
