We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
