Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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