She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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