my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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