there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
