oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
