Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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