that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
