He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I supernannyed him into submission
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
