Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
