i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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