i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We need to get me chipped asap
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
