either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Who died my cat blue again?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
