I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
