ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
