If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
