Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
