I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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