I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize