At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
