we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
