I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
