Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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