so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
