friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
