Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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