for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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