At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
