Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Acid is not a monday night drug
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
