She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
