he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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