Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
