Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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