I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
