dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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