Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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