im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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