What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
