Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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