Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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