There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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