And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Two words: blizzard sex
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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