In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
