Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
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This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
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I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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