I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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