you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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